Letting Go is followed by a change of heart and a change of mind. After that, letting God suddenly becomes a priority and not the last resort.
“The mind of man plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps.”
– Proverbs 16:9
After hurting his ankle, my son woke up one morning with the worst pain. His first steps from getting out of bed signaled the start of a derailed schedule. At first glance, I had to consider the fact that he was a middle schooler… can you guess where I’m going with this? However, after assessing the situation, the pain seemed so unbearable to him as he squeezed the tears out of his eyes. Instantly, I visualized my day and mapped out an alternative plan.
“Thankfully, my schedule wasn’t filled with any significant “to-do’s” but I knew the day was going to be very long and very theatrical!”
If I were to apply this scenario to a couple of months ago, I would’ve cringed at the thought of having to call in my supervisor to request coverage on my caseload or having to call in sick. As a result, I would’ve done everything to convince myself that my son’s pain was just a “minor fluke.” That “it’ll get better once his body gets adjusted to waking up.” I would even try questioning him a bazillion times just to get something out of him convincing me enough that “it isn’t really that bad.” I know! How awful of me!
“The unexpected is never welcomed.”
Maybe my particular situation doesn’t necessarily hit home for you. Perhaps you’re a frequent traveler. Whether business or personal, there’s an anticipated itinerary. This would surely hit home when you’re given the news of a delay with your flight.
What if the delay was due to a weather storm? Or mechanical issues? Despite knowing the delays were unintentional by the airline, have you or even someone you’ve witnessed, ever questioned their judgment to cancel or delay a flight simply because it hadn’t sunk in quite yet?
Looking back, I realize that I was just way too comfortable with the routine. I guess I was so protective of the time I’ve established the past few years as a single mom that anything “different” were of an immediate threat to my comfort. Anything that threw a curveball, sucker punch, or whatever dominated idle distractions my way were the least welcomed. Surely this train of thought doesn’t last because God has a way of making things crystal clear… when people plan, He really does laugh!
Work • Home • Kids • Sleep | REPEAT | Work • Home • Kids • Sleep | REPEAT…
As a single mom, the ability to balance multiple responsibilities, all while wearing the “Mom in Chief” hat, was surely a great accomplishment. Unfortunately, my greatest downfall was prioritizing them inappropriately. For example, take a look above; WORK | HOME | KIDS | SLEEP. There was no thought in this supposed order, but I truly believe it’s sequence was no accident either.
WORK – at the time, was my everything. As the only source of income stability, it financed my everything. With the 8 years experience, I had under my belt, it was all I knew to do and I was good at it. Secured. Perhaps, this could explain it’s a pivotal position in my life at the time. HOME – I was proud to have held and maintained, myself. What kept my kids and I secure. Where the one place I knew the kids and I could be free. KIDS – my ultimate responsibility! SLEEP – the unavoidable result of an overworked and fatigued mom.
Quite honestly, this is very sad, but sadly the truth. And I’m a bit puzzled. This was what I fought so hard to maintain, and in that order for the past decade. I couldn’t see it then, but hindsight is 20/20. Juggling these roles as a single parent was no easy task. There were so many cracks in the foundation, so many skewed justifications, and as a result, mistakes turned in to flaws.
“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.”
-Proverbs 14: 1
One of the many things I’m so grateful for is the personal relationship I have with my savior, Jesus Christ. I’m thankful for the ability to get real with God, respectfully. Through Jesus, I can present myself, even in affliction and of spiritual need- approaching His throne in humility. It wasn’t always this way, but there comes a point in ones life where it’s just you, God, and the truth. The truth was, acknowledging that my priorities were really jacked up! No need to sugar coat it really, but it was found in reversing the order and getting honest with God about it.
SLEEP | KIDS | HOME | WORK
SLEEP, as in, “rest.” Rest in mind, body and soul. Resting in the hands of the Father. Resting from work, worry, anxiety, stress. God grants us each day a measure of grace and mercy. He knows each need and knows your potential. KIDS, my ultimate “gifts.” Being a single mom didn’t change that gift so why would I allow such confusion to permeate?! Why would I suddenly doubt God because of the circumstances before me? His provisions would never fail. HOME, was the structure stable and whose “hands” did I trust to build it? WORK… need I say more? For the first time, I realized things just got real! I waved my white flag and surrendered all to Jesus.
Now I wouldn’t suggest to you that I’ve suddenly lived happily ever after, but I had entered a season in my life, unlike any other I’ve ever experienced – unfamiliar and uncharted. The transition was simply remarkable. My entire worldview changed and everything I thought made sense was now understood on a different perceptual concept.
It wasn’t that I simply accepted being a single mom, I embraced the role I was blessed to have been trusted to carry – a mother. It wasn’t that I simply forgave myself for taking so long to make changes in my life, I evaluated my journey, studied the lessons, and became new. Letting go was not as simple at all but I was willing to go there – to be completely dependent on Him – cognitively stripped of all human understanding and being spiritually lead.
Never allow your circumstances to define you.
God is Good! He is Faithful! He is Everything! ?????